virusoflife

Okay, long time blah blah blah. I’ve been doing that school thing and making my new girlfriend happy. It’s taken me about 1 month to finish about 3 of my classes on the Plato Learning program. Other than that I’ve been doing my normal thing with WoW, currently I’m at a 4968 GearScore on my Unholy Death Knight tank.

Other than that nothing has been going on in my life until recently. Me getting a new girl to get to know and all that good stuff. Oh and I will be posting more after looking at my stats when I post and when I don’t. I get a lot of hits when I do post and well a friend convinced me to get an AdSense account, who of which I’ll be linking to and may even post about what he posts. Maybe I’ll think about fixing up other parts of my site as well, the theme and color scheme are fine in my eyes but it looks unfinished to me. Off to take these other ads off seeing as how both of them kinda don’t do anything for me anymore.

So I’ve been living life and all that joyous bullshit. My girlfriend left me and cheated on me due to her own immaturity and insecurity. I’ve come to terms with it and don’t care anymore. I’m back to my normal self that everyone loves, the person that accepts that he is alone and it doesn’t phase him at all.

I’ve been looking for a job still while doing a bit of coding and graphics design freelance. I’ve really been out of it though. I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life after I finish my last semester of high school. So far I’m 50/50 on going to Delta Community College and joining the Air Force. The Air Force option really depends on me losing these last 50ish pounds so I’m at the Air Force’s weight to height restrictions. Oh thats another thing, I’ve been loosing weight and looking better everyday!

I also don’t play many video games anymore. I quit WoW for numerous reasons and have been trying to get into a much better game (EVE Online). I still do my FPS pwnin’ every now and then, but like I said, life has been calling me. If you really would like to keep tabs on me follow me on Twitter, I post there at the least once a day. For now though I’m going to get back to my TV, games, and all that other jazz.

Leaving you with this: Bayside – The Ghost of St. Valentine – youtube

You sit on your front porch, watching the street light across the street, it flickers once. Its 3:42 AM and you just realized that even though your family loves you, the only thing you need is someone to care for, someone to love.

So you sit on your front porch, watching the light. You might smoke a cigarette or drink a beer, but you don’t really need them. You watch the tree near the street light sway in the wind, scared of life.

You’ve had girls in your life, but it all soured and went wrong. It might have been your fault, but odds are that it wasn’t. Odds are that they left you, cheated on you, or just plain decided there was no reason anymore. You realize that you lose every chance to be truly happy in life.

So you sit outside on your front porch.
You watch the street light across the street.
You might shed a tear or two, but this isn’t a physical sadness that can be purged.

This is a soul-crushing, heart-wrenching, nauseating, black abyss kind of sadness. And you are scared and alone, and all you want is someone to look at you an say, “Everything will be okay. Come with me.”

You know that wont happen soon or at all.
So, instead, you sit on your front porch.
Watching the street light and the swaying trees.
All while you die inside.

Goodnight.

Ok small post, I finally added my portfolio and will soon add a bunch of pictures and blah blah. I’ve been playing WoW sure but mainly getting back into media and maybe even web development. I’m just posting because I should but yeah… Oh also twirl is just what I want in a twitter client. I’ll edit some more and all that now that I’m out of school. I have a few ideas but hey I’m lazy as hell. As of right now though I think it’s movie time again or level on WoW time. Not sure really.

By the way an update on the girlfriend wagon, shit is good and fun. However things seem different, maybe I know she is going to be in my life for a long time and thats why I kinda feel normal again. Like my life is how it should be or something. Everything just feels right and has a sense of normality about it. I love her and I know I do but I’m just in a relaxed state about everything right now. Maybe my body wants to rest? I’m not sure, I am however always extremely tired…

So… I’m still alive and full of joy. I’m still in love with Stephi, even though we have some rough times. We are still teens after all and full of drama. We are safe about everything and love each other deeply.

School has also been great, I’m doing well and getting the grades I want. I also have 7th hour so I sit there for an extra hour, woohoo. We are taking the MME this week, so far 2 tests of 3 are done with the ACT being the hardest.

I have even been playing WoW again! I think she doesn’t even mind that I play any more. I’m 5/5 T7 with a mix of other gear from heroics and normals. I’ve been also leveling a pally, it’s about 43 and a bar so far with all the BoA gear I could get it.

Reading is now a hobby again for me. I finished The Zombie Survival Guide which is a pretty funny/interesting book. I’m also going to read the rest of the sprawl series, Count Zero being the current book I’m on. And hey this is pretty much all my news. So I’m gone and I’ll edit later with links and update my blog some more. Weeee

Through the latest series of events I have come to love my life and the people in it. It took one of the most horrible times of my life to open my eyes to this. After talking to my Stephi about the 30 plus sleeping pills and other things I felt something. I have never felt it before then either, the numbness of my body, the clam warm feeling in my heart, and a feeling of being high when there was no reason to. I can only think that what I felt was love, the purest love there is, my love for Stephi. I can now say I want this girl forever and that I want to build a life/family with her.

So I call Stephi… I already feel like shit because it seems I’m messing with her life. To make matters worse my Paxil is starting to throw in the towel. Before this I also took 4 sleeping pills to help ease the fact I am nothing and get me to sleep before I do something dumb. So I called her right because I see her text message she then picks up and she is angry and I can’t even come up with anything to say. Why? Well the pills are trying to turn off my brain. I then listen to her and all I can think about is what a loser because I know that I can’t help her at all. I say that I’m going to get off the phone then all that happens is an angry bye and the click of the phone. I can’t help but feel like I’m not doing anything to help her and all I feel is the urge to open my wrists.

So I’ve found someone I truly love and who loves me. I can’t believe this is happening, Trevor said that it would. That there is no way a person like me would be alone forever. I really am the happiest I have ever been with her. Stephi is the only person I want to live the rest of my life with. I’m sure that I will because we will never hurt each other. I promised her the world and I do intend to give it to her.

It’s oh so nice to feel that sinking feeling again. Even though it has passed but when I could feel it. It felt like the same old cold hole in my chest. It’s always to feel that every time I think of the concept of “Love”. It doesn’t matter I’ll just take more of my pills.

So my birthday is coming up. I think I’m going to get a tattoo. I don’t know when, maybe the weekend of my birthday or on the day. Whatever, thats all I had to say today.

I’m pretty sure she hates me. Or she thinks I hate her. I’m not sure but I guess its time to be a ghost really. I guess this is the end of a chapter in my life. I really hoped it wouldn’t end or it would end differently. I’ll post more later after I wake up fully.